100% FREE Psychic Upgrade

But how can I, humble animal, reach the next realm? Come in from the cold. Cease to wander. Bring home the only thing that can make your dog whole, a cornerstone on which eternal well-being can be built.

Tailor Your Dog's Astral Journey

Your Dog’s Chosen Path of Play

Soft, Fluffy,
Cloud-like

Resilient
Endurance

A Balance of
Both Worlds

Your Dog’s Terrestrial Vessel

Option List

Small Dog

Small Dog

Small Dog

Attain your upgraded path of elite ascendence for FREE

Is your dog a good girl or boy?

Consult Snowball, The Everwise to find out

Pharmaceutical-grade dog treats

These treats haven’t been watered down by federal regulations. Uncut and ultra high in flavor.

Siberian Squirrel Whistle

Banned in thirteen countries, this Siberian Squirrel Whistle is dangerously effective. Blow it once and every squirrel within a half mile radius will be at your dog’s mercy.

Service Dog ID

Bring your dog with you anywhere — restaurants, movie theaters, nuclear reactors. No one will question your authority with this genuine, 100% real Service Dog kit.

Psychic Purge

Cleanse the ocean of impurities that weigh heavily on the modern dog. This ancient treatment adheres to the highest standards of metaphysics.